I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
