Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
