wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
