she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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