Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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