we have pet lesbian snakes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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