i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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