My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
