Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
