i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
