I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
