Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
