Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
