dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
