There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
