we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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