my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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