why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
