don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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