i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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