im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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