bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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