Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
