did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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