Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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