when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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