From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
