So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
