a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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