And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize