just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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