Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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