btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
