I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
