Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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