I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
