sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
