Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
