I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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