And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
