Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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