she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
