Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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