somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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