I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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