Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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