question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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