Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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