Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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