I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
