Nicole vs. Life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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