Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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