I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
