I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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