the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
