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• (818): View more from California

  yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours

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• (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (956): View more from Texas

  He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo

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• (631): View more from New York

  Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me

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