Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
