yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me