I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from