I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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