Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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