This girl is more easily done than said...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
