She said her name was "party"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
