Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
