Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
