apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
