your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
