Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
