my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
