I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
