READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
