nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
