so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?