Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
