Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
