how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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