he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
is it fun? or sober?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
