How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize